Headed to the Driving Centre today and gosh I actually got lost on my way there, to think I live so near the Ubi one and i've given so many of my friends directions there before. Yet I still took the wrong bus and walked the wrong direction :\ Anyway I finally got there and it was the most horrendous queue ever. The place was like super ultra mega packed and I actually queued for 4hrs just to register for the basic driving test. Oh goshh, anyway I will be learning auto and by a private instructor as I want to get my license asap. I think I will not do well for manual as my daytona always crashes when I play it in the arcade. haha!

Anyway when I was there I got to witness an ugly singaporean making a fuss because her queue ticket was screwed up due to some machine fault. The person tried to calm her down and told her to wait for 10mins but she wouldn't stop yelling. I felt so sorry for the service personnel. Eventually the manager came out and attended to her personally, but I could tell the manager was also extremely pissed, as he was giving her a black face throughout the session.

I got to sit beside some NSFs who just ord-ed and I was listening to them talk about JC stuff as well as army stuff. Brings back so much memories. I actually miss my JC days a lot! One of them was from TJC as well, my JC. haha. I'M SO OLDDD already and i'm still single, wish someone would want me soon :( I'm all ready to commit and devote my time to the person I love. I know I can make it work!

Soon it was night and I headed to town by myself as I had nothing to do and no activities planned as well. I initially headed to Clarke Quay, but ended up eventually at Chinatown. I still believe that our Singapore Chinatown is over touristy and a little messy! As compared to the ones in Canada. Oh yah just so you know, I went for exchange at Montreal, and i've seen the chinatowns of Montreal itself, New York as well as even places like Toronto! And I must say the Chinatowns in such countries are much more awesome and really feels more chinese with really authentic chinese food.

Anyway nothing much to write about my night as I simply walked around aimlessly and just thought about a lot of issues. Actually 2 main issues that are constricting my thoughts now - Work and Love. Firstly, I don't know if I should graduate as I have a pending job offer now, but that would mean that I would lose my opportunity to complete my honours degree :( It has been a super controversial internal debate within my head. I have even penned down all the pros and cons of each alternative but I still have no definite answer. I guess there is no correct answer to it? Having an honours degree might not gurantee you something good in future. Similarly, having a headstart in your career might not also gurantee you proper promotions and doing well in future as well. I guess it all boils down to opportunities, work performance and a bit of luck i guess. So... I have about a week more to decide and I hope I will fixate my decision soon. Most importantly, I must tell myself that no matter what I choose, no one else must be blamed and most importantly, even myself - No regrets!

Secondly, yarr love. Walking alone the streets have made me think of a lot of issues regarding love as well. It made me thought of how irrational I was in liking people previously - i'm not referring to Mike fyi. I remember it all started out when I was 17, I actually liked this person whom I did not even know, till now! I had such a heavy crush that I got so emotionally depressed and dejected, that i couldn't even study properly and I felt sad all the time. That was when I truly experience heartaches. But it did not take long before it subsided, as as a matter of fact, I really did not know the person and seriously nothing can be done.

Subsequently, came another person in my life. He was in my course during JC, taking the same combination and we met and became closer as we played a common game. Eventually we hit it off really well and became super best of friends! We did everything together, study, gaming, and would never fail to update each other on our lives. I remember the first day we both dreadfully entered NS and headed to Tekong, he actually rang me up to talk before calling his parents. I felt so honoured and previledged. I liked him. I know it. Does he like me? I don't know what he sees me as, but I know we share an extremely strong bond. Things went pretty well subsequently up to a point where I think he felt I became a little reactive. We started to argue a little and he said that I was losing it. At that point of time I was posted to a rifle unit after my BMT and I was really down. I cried to myself every night - even my bunk buddy would console me. However when I told this person how I felt and how down I was, he seemed to think that I was weak and over reacting and very soon he got sick and tired of my nonsense. In the end, our bond broke and we became like normal friends, with a barrier. How sad right? :( Till today, we hardly talk anymore, but we are still facebook friends and do occasionally message each other and stuff. I still make the effort to check up what's going on in his life as I truly do still treat him as a special friend, afterall I did like him in the past. I hope he did too, I wish we could still be friends and talk on normal terms.

Alright, then there was another person who came into my life when I was 20 but I shan't type it now. I shall leave that story to tomorrow. Its another really heart wrenching one, but I guess it was me and my stupid self again. haha. Anyway, after liking all these people, I have come to a conclusion regarding the type of guys that I would fall for. Firstly, they usually look more physically and are actually more intellectually mature, and that is why I wouldn't mind a much older guy as a partner as they are generally very caring and considerate. Secondly, they are pretty serious and are not really extroverted. I have a thing for people who are mildly introverted I guess, as I believe they make good soul mates and partners. They are excellent friends on a 1-1 basis. Last but not least, looks does not really matter at all. I realized that I don't even care how they look and to begin with, they weren't some super good looking person or what. The feelings of lust for them only came in subsequently, I truly liked them because of how they treated me and how they behaved as persons - mature and caring. Yup I guess that's all i'm looking for in a partner. Regarding myself, I know I can get quite soft, weak and immature as well as blur at times. But deep down under, I believe one of my greatest strengths is my compassion and ability to care for others at the expense of going out of my comfort zones. The fact that I might get blur/immature sometimes renders a need for me to find someone mature to improve this aspect of mine. Overtime, I want to learn and no matter how blur I am, to my partner, I want to make sure that I do not screw up the relationship and be understanding of his needs and always be there for him. That is my goal and what I want to achieve. I hope someone gives me the chance to do so, I really want to try the feeling of loving and to be loved.

Alright, that's all for my post tonight. Its 5am and I'm heading to bed now! I gurantee you the story about my 3rd crush/love tomorrow. But for tonight and for the near future, my only love is Mike and I know it clearly and deep down under. But of course I will only continue loving him as much only after getting to know him better - like he said :) Hope to see him really really soon!

Nights!

-Werd